What’s In It For Me?

Have we been guilty of leveraging friendships?

In a world of “what’s in it for me?” it’s fairly common to leverage relationships for gain. It may be good business practice for the you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours, but what about when it comes to friendships?

We may not intentionally entertain to gain, or pretend to befriend, but unintentionally is definitely a possibility.

Think back to younger days…

Perhaps it was the friend whose brother was the cutest ever, or that friend who could bring a guest to the clubhouse.

How about the friend with a pool, or the friend whose parents were never home?

Maybe you were that friend.

How are we doing so far, anything coming to mind?

Are we still doing that today? Using friendships to connect us to an end goal of self?

As far as working relationships, let me say this, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with networking. We should all share where we work and what we do; it’s good for business, and it’s good to meet needs and share connections.

But when it comes to friendships, the true kind seeks nothing in return. True friendships are when we don’t ask what’s in it for me; It’s when we expect no payback hospitality, and have no reverse expectations.

So let’s not confuse friendship with lendship or worse yet, a-means-to-an-endship. We are all created in God’s image, and doormats we are not.

Now let’s talk benevolence. Have we helped others with less, so we can gain more back-pats and look-what-I’ve-done’s?

I’ve been there, and maybe you have too. We don’t mean to come off that way, but in examining what’s really going on, we may need a healthy check on our true motives.

If we give a hungry person a meal, we’ve done the Lord’s work. We’ve been His hands and feet. That’s awesome in God’s eyes, as He talks of when we feed the least of these, we are feeding Him.

We just need to resist the temptation of wanting to announce it in the newspaper.

So what does Jesus say about that?

And He also went on to say to the one who had invited Him, “When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, otherwise they may also invite you in return and that will be your repayment. Luke 14:12

Let’s show hospitality in love to those whom we know cannot repay. That would be mercy.

Now let’s go a step further and show hospitality to the ones who can repay, but don’t. That would be grace.

Because in our relationships, we shouldn’t be saying what’s in it for me; we should be saying I’m in it for us.

Relationships are gifts, some for a season and some for a lifetime. The Holy Spirit will help us discern the difference, but our seasonal relationships are just as valuable as our lifetime ones.

Because when we live and love beyond ourselves, beyond our own needs, He fills our cup to overflowing.

Let’s be in it for Jesus.

Share your thoughts, did you relate to anything here? Were you that friend who gives or takes?

Step Out of Your Doubt and Into Your Calling

Hi Friends!

I’m excited to share this article I wrote on leadership, published today at Just Between Friends. If you haven’t already done so, consider signing up for their free newsletter.

Here is the link:

http://www.justbetweenus.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=373611

May the Lord bless you and remember this, He will equip you in whatever He calls you to do.

Love in Christ,

Doris

How Productive is our Waiting?

Seems the world is all about hurry up and wait. We wait in traffic, at doctors’ offices, in check-out lines. Is there such a thing as productive and unproductive waiting?

We’ve all heard the saying “it doesn’t happen overnight,” the it being whatever we’re hoping to achieve.

Yet, even overnight seems an eternity in this instant-gratification kind of world. So let’s allow this verse to sink in. We know patience is a virtue, but this verse is talking about waiting with perseverance.

So what exactly are we doing while we’re waiting?

There’s a Dollar General in our neighborhood, a great place to do a quick-shop-pit-stop. I’ve found out the hard way, the parking lot is far from level. If you park on the east side of the lot, you’d better hang on to your cart while unloading, otherwise you’ll be chasing the thing like a mad woman. Yes, I’ve been that mad woman. It would be handy if the carts had brakes, but they don’t.

I’ve found my ambition can be like a runaway cart at times, can you relate?

Thankfully, the Holy Spirit can help us apply the breaks when we seek His guidance. He can help us narrow our focus,  taking each step in order, without tripping over ourselves.

If you’ve ever taken a writing or blogging course, you’ll recognize the process of honing in on a specific message. Topics can be vast. Take marriage and family for example. Where does one begin to write about the dynamics of relationships? It can be complicated, overwhelming even, but it doesn’t have to be.

We start with the vast topic, then narrow it down:

Marriage→communication→communicating needs to your spouse.

Family→blended family→effective communication with your stepchildren.

See how that works? We’ve narrowed the focus down from overwhelming to specific.

The same works in ministry:

continent→country→state→county→city→neighborhood→neighbor.

We need not feel overwhelmed in our calling to reach out. Before heading out, let’s heed God’s Lead.

We wouldn’t serve a four year old a porterhouse steak or an entire lasagne. It’s the same with our doing. We can do one thing at a time, bite-sized chunks. If we don’t, we’ll be calling for the Heimlich maneuver.

So what is God calling us to do today?

Provide a meal, encourage a friend, intercede in prayer?

Whatever your chunk is today, chew on it well before you swallow it. We can get so focused on the doing, we forget what we’ve been called to do.

Here’s a word of encouragement, we aren’t called to go it alone. Someone washes a dish, the other dries it; someone cooks a meal, the other serves it. Many gifts, many hands, many members, one body.

We are doing, but not doing it all.

For the past couple of years, I’ve dreamed of reaching women where they are, but the truth is, they’re everywhere. I can’t be everywhere, but God already is. He covers the everywhere, and calls us to cover the wherever.

So wherever He leads us, we will go. And whatever He calls us to do, we will do.

And that my friend, is perseverance.

Not doing it all at once, but telling others what Jesus has done, once for all.

Never give up on what God wants to do in your life, He has plans for you and for me. So let’s keep our eyes on the perfecter of our faith, running the race while waiting with perseverance.

We can wait well together, in the hope of the things to come.

How Beautiful

We girls love pedicures, don’t we? Well most do anyway.

I’m not a regular pedicure girl, but it’s sure a treat. I could sit in that chair all day long, how about you?

It’s fun to go with a girlfriend, and it’s quite relaxing. You can’t help but feel pampered, and the end result?

Skin smooth as a newborn baby, and toe color that probably reveals a bit of our personality. Pretty feet.

Pretty feet are nice, but what if our feet could be beautiful?

Well dear one, they can be…

How beautiful on the mountains
 are the feet of the messenger who brings good news,
 the good news of peace and salvation,
 the news that the God of Israel reigns! Isaiah 52:7

Whether we’re even able to use our feet or not, the true beauty is in the message. The God of Israel reigns, and Jesus saves.

Let’s bring the good news.

Pretty is nice, but I want my feet to be beautiful, how about you?

What If Everyone Found Out?

Shame.

We’ve all felt it at one time or another, haven’t we?

We’ve all done things we certainly wouldn’t expect to see announced in the church bulletin.

Could you just imagine?

“Pot-luck dinner Sunday at six, and speaking of pot, Sylvia used to smoke it, and sources say she still does.”

Or how about this one:

“Prayer walk on 42nd street, same block Samantha worked a few years ago.”

Or this:

“AA meeting in room 105, Sunday School building-and by the way, Kathy fell off the wagon again.”

Now imagine this: What if everyone found out everything?

I know I’ve done things I’m not particularly proud of, and I’m sure you have too. I’ve even had women say to me, “well, someday I’ll tell you about it.” And I say, “well, why not today?”

Truth is, some people already know about some of it, and God knows about all of it,

so instead of letting shame hold us hostage, let’s look to the One who paid our ransom.

Because after all, what are we so ashamed of?

Of course, it’s sin. Sin makes us shameful. But we have this hope; confess our sins and they’re washed away. Repentance brings freedom. Right?

So if Jesus washes away the sins, why do we keep buying spray and wash for the stain of shame?

Why?

Because the enemy lies, telling us we have to keep treating the stains. We’ve got to stop believing it.

Here’s the truth: The stains are gone, and Jesus shamed shame.

In researching death on the cross, we find it was considered a death of shame. The Reformation Study Bible tells us that Roman citizens were forbidden to be put to death on the cross, and the Jews believed everyone who hung on a tree was cursed by God.

But Jesus shamed the shame by turning that tree of shame into our saving grace. Then He rose from the dead to seal what He was sent to accomplish.

So yeah, we need to be the church of the redeemed, not the church of the shamed. I don’t mean to sound preachy, but while we’re at it, let’s take the plank out of our own eyes. The plank called hypocrisy.

Through Christ we can throw off shame and stop throwing it at others.

I told my Grace Story at a women’s event a few years ago. Teenage pregnancy, shame, feelings of not fitting in anymore, abandoned by most friends. Then I had a beautiful son named Michael. I wasn’t ashamed of my son, but for years I felt the shame of being that girl who disappeared from school.

You know what happened afterwards? Countless women in the audience couldn’t wait to tell me it had happened to them too.

What are you going through today?

Whatever it may be, there are others who have already made it through.

How did they make it through?

They were changed through Christ, and their faith sustained them. That’s the Grace Story.

Maybe you are the one who made it through. Your testimony, can be that common thread of hope to share with others.

We are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses; those who have gone before us to show us the way.

But there is One who goes before us who is The Way. He replaces our shame with faith.

Let’s fix our eyes on Jesus.

What does fix mean anyway? If you google it, you get this:

direct one’s eyes, attention, or mind steadily or unwaveringly toward.

fasten (something) securely in a particular place or position.

So let’s fix and fasten.

1. Fix our eyes on Jesus, and fasten our faith to Him.
2. Activate dormant faith through seeking God ~ the Holy Spirit brings fresh eyes to see the needs of others
3. Initiate a training program to run the race – the prayers, the Word, the work
4. Train others~ because faith comes through hearing the Word, our training manual
5. Hand off the baton ~ multiplying workers for the harvest. We’re not meant to go it alone

And this…

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.     Hebrews 12:1-2

It’s time to put off the shame, and put on faith with works.

Where are you called to serve?

Can I Tell You About My Bizarre Encounter?

I had a bizarre encounter on Saturday. Can I share it with you?

I enjoyed a pleasant morning with a friend, then set out to pick up a few groceries.  I entered the parking lot of the nearest grocery store, and pulled into an available spot. All quite normal up to this point, right?

Stay with me…

Before exiting the car, I took a moment to open the banking app on my cell. Just a quick check to see if I needed to transfer funds. To my dismay, the internet connection spun so many times, it made me dizzy. I decided to wait for a moment, then try it again.

Meanwhile, I noticed a blue truck pulling into the space directly facing me. A middle-aged women exited the driver’s side, but oddly, she left the door standing wide open. Next thing I knew, she was heading towards my car.

She made a beeline for my driver’s side window, so I hit the button, allowing the glass between us to slide down.

Thinking she either had the wrong person, or perhaps she wanted to ask me a question, I waited.

But she didn’t say anything.

Instead, she held up a small silver camera, and appeared to be video taping me. Yes, you read that correctly.

Not being accustomed to seeing paparazzi in the grocery store parking lot, and unaware of my seemingly celebrity status, I was completely baffled. Shocked even.

I tried conversing, but she wasn’t interested. She may have mumbled something, but honestly,  I cannot recall.

Then as mysteriously as she had arrived, she turned to leave.

Don’t try this at home, but I felt compelled to get out of the car.  I needed to know why.

Why?

I actually tried flagging her down, hoping we could talk. Yes, for whatever reason, I didn’t want the encounter to end this way.

But my efforts were to no avail. I stood there as she pulled away, still videotaping me as I waved goodbye. OK, now I was the one with the bizarre behavior.

After she left,  I remembered something:

Before pulling into the grocery store, I had made a right turn at the red light.  This is perfectly legal, however, there was a vehicle already in the intersection attempting a u-turn. That vehicle had the right-of-way, and guess you could say, I was in the wrong-of-way.

Could that be it? Could this women be the person who made that u-turn? I couldn’t be certain, but it seemed to fit.

After she left, I was a bit shaken. I decided to leave the area and head to the grocery store closer to home. The entire way there, I prayed about the bizarre encounter with this woman.

I surrendered the disturbing feelings to God,  feelings of being violated, bullied, and harassed.

Not only that, I prayed for her too.

God allows things to happen for a purpose, and  we may never know why.

Maybe before this encounter, nobody else was praying for her.

Maybe that’s why.

What did I learn?

• As strange as it was, it wasn’t personal. She didn’t know me, and I didn’t know her. She directed her anger at me, but she was really angry with my action. She had an unacceptable reaction to my action.
• No amount of prayer is too much. We need to bathe ourselves in prayer, and pray for others too. We never know what our day will bring, but God does. Let’s pray for His direction in our every step. In praying that way most mornings, I have to believe driving into that parking lot was no accident.
• There will always be people in this world who will choose evil over good, road rage over grace. As the Word says, let’s not repay evil with evil, but give a blessing instead. I could have retaliated, but what good would it do? What good does it do, when we become like them, and unlike Christ?
• There may have been times, we have been like them. Sometimes we’ve lost it, so forgiveness is applicable in all situations. She’s my neighbor. I don’t have to condone her actions, but I’m still called to love and forgive her.
• The Lord fights our battles. It’s a battlefield out there, but we can armor up. The enemy may try to attack, but we can trust our God has our back.

I pray someone will have the opportunity to speak to this woman, and that a seed can be planted, then watered.

Will you join me in praying for her?

Wouldn’t it be crazy if her camera wasn’t even rolling?

What similar experiences have you encountered?  Please share them, and any thoughts on this bizarre encounter in the comments.

When God Says No

Facing tough decisions? 

Even when we seek God, sometimes what we want to happen doesn’t; but He knows best. About six years ago we contemplated moving. Every turn brought discouraging let-downs in search for the perfect “new” home.

What happened?

We stayed put. God knew my employment situation was about to change, before I even had a clue. He knows what is in our tomorrows, so as long as we are seeking His face for answers, we can trust the outcome to Him.

We don’t always get it right, but we can rest assured His “no” will prove to be a positive answer for us.

Seek His face and ask for wisdom.

“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow.

Love In Christ,

Doris

What Does Fame Mean?

Fame.

The world is obsessed with celebrities and pop stars, from the cream of society to the ills of notoriety.

I’ll admit, I’ve had my share of singing into brushes in front of mirrors. I’m sure you’ve belted out a few notes into a brush too; and not sure about you, but I’ve had sold-out concerts in my room. Not recently of course, as I now share a room with my husband, and I think he’d find it a little weird.

So when was the last time you had that fifteen minutes of fame?

I’ve had a few over the years. Here’s a little sixth-grade flashback:

Practicing my twirling routine on the back patio, I ramped up the show when I noticed two boys from class spying on me from behind our backyard wall. Music blaring, I flipped those metal rods to the sky, spinning twice to catch them in a lunge. Showing off I was, and of course, I enjoyed the attention.

I felt a little famous, even if it was only in my backyard. On that day, the patio was my platform.

 Ah, that word platform, an opportunity to reach people with a message.

Many famous people have made positive changes using their platform; then there are those who’d rather just change their clothes.

If God gave you a platform to speak from, what  would you say?

Before you discount the possibility, check this out:

• God has given you a platform. We all have one. It’s where we stand to take a stand.
• Our platform is wherever we are, and whether it be in the middle of an arena or in the middle of a grocery store, we have an opportunity to use our voice to change the world. And we don’t need a hairbrush. We need the Holy Spirit.
•  We’re not the famous one. Jesus is the Famous One. Pressure is off, it’s all about Him.
• A word of caution: We will trip and fall from our platform if we make it about us. Check pride at the door.

Then His fame went throughout all Syria; and they brought to Him all sick people who were afflicted with various diseases and torments, and those who were demon-possessed, epileptics, and paralytics; and He healed them.    Matthew 4:24

We have been given a platform. but we were never meant to go it alone. Go out two by two and visit the sick, or bring a spa basket to a tired mom. Share your gifts and spread His fame. Be Jesus to neighbors, and connect women with women who know where they’re coming from, and know where they’ve been, because they’ve been there too.

There will always be famous people in the world, but…

Fame means nothing without the Famous One. His Name is Jesus.

So step onto your platform today and share the truth in love. Kindness is refreshing, and people could use a dose or two.

Don’t be surprised if God grows your platform to reach the masses. That could be a huge crowd at one time, or one person at a time.

Either way, the most important audience is the audience of One.

Whose Approval Are We Seeking? Part 2 Acceptance

There I stood, miles from my comfort zone, vying for a spot on the varsity cheerleading squad. This was my first attempt at cheering, and I can honestly say, I would have rather been having a root canal.  The once familiar gym floor felt like foreign soil; anxiety kicked in, as my feet kicked up.

Short of breath, it was as if the oxygen had been zapped from the room.  Surely this lack of oxygen contributed to my forgetting most of the routine I was struggling through.  I don’t know why I waited until high school to do this; obviously the other girls had been cheering since the womb.  Still, I was determined to try, even though deep in my heart, I knew.

You can probably guess how this all turned out; for years after I felt like a failure.  I failed to gain acceptance to the group who wore matching uniforms on pep-rally days.  Then it all came to light.  You see, I was never meant to be a cheerleader;  back-flips terrified me, and my perfect cartwheel wouldn’t get me far on the cheering circuit.  I do however, have mad twirling skills, so why didn’t I tryout for majorette?  Looking back, I wish I had; it would have been a much better fit for my gifts, talents, and abilities.

Feeling out of the loop, and not part of the group is disheartening.  Ever been there?  Well this should hearten you:  through faith in Christ, we never have to feel that way again.  We become members of one body; unified.

We are each a unique, one-of-a-kind creation by our Creator. God has given each of us gifts, talents, and abilities all our own, so why try to make up our own version of who we are?

I am most free, when I am who God created me to be. When I try to be someone I’m not, it’s like using the wrong key to unlock a door. What happens? The door stays locked, and I’ve created a barrier between my plans and God’s plans for me.

Just as cheerleaders put on uniforms  of solidarity and unification; believers put on Christ, we put on a brand-new self.  We put on the Armor of God, we are a member of His army.  We are His chosen, putting on many beautiful virtues; above all, love, which is the perfect bond of unity.  

Here’s the truth; we all yearn to be a part of a group, to be accepted, to be a part of something bigger then ourselves.  God deposited that desire in us.  We don’t have to tryout, He says come just as you are. He accepts us, and His approval is all we need; His grace is sufficient.

Were you heartened by that truth?  Did you know the definition of hearten is: “to give heart to: cheer” Guess if you were heartened, I’m a cheerleader after all.

“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.”  Colossians 3:11-14

Share an experience when you sought to be part of a group. What did you learn from it?

Whose Approval Are We Seeking?

Do you ever strive to gain approval from other people?

I know I have, and found it to be discouraging, exhausting, and disappointing.

What happens when we feel ignored, or that our opinion doesn’t matter?

I’m preaching to myself here, and taking notice of the “all about me” pattern. It’s easy to fall prey to these feelings, leaving us discouraged and a bit grumpy.

Here are a few traps. See if you can relate to some of these:

• Saying yes because a “no” might disappoint someone (aka, people-pleaser syndrome)
• Allowing the opinions of others to determine our worth and value
• Feeling like an outsider; excluded; invisible; rejected
• Desiring validation of our gifts and talents; confirmation from others that what we do matters, that our contributions make a difference.
• Trying to impress, or feeling we have to prove ourselves to gain acceptance

I can relate, can you?

Perhaps it’s a pride issue.

Pride is sticky, sneaky, and fleshy. That’s why Romans 8:1 says walk not according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.

Could it be a lack confidence, not in ourselves, but of who we are in Christ?

Who exactly are we in Christ?

A new creation; a delivered, set free, sanctified, child of God, among other things. A woman of God, redeemed by Jesus Christ. A woman clothed with strength and honor (Prov. 31:25).

Praise God, we are changed.

So how can we be free of striving to be good enough, accepted, approved of, appointed, or chosen by people?

True acceptance is found in Christ.       

Let’s remember who we are in Christ. It’s not all about us, it’s all about what He can do through us for His glory.

We can’t allow our feelings to bring us low enough to skin our chin. The enemy would love us to believe lies that render us ineffective.

When we stop seeking approval from the crowd, and go straight to the Word of truth, we discover our true acceptance is found in Christ.

Let’s look at Scripture, and soak in this truth.  Are we ready for this?  Cause the truth will set us free:

• “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”  1 Corinthians 10:31

• “For the appeal we make does not spring from error or impure motives, nor are we trying to trick you. On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel.  We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.”  1 Thessalonians 2:3-4

• “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?  Or am I trying to please people?  If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”  Galatians 1:10

So how can we apply these scriptures?

Let’s ask ourselves these questions:

1. Do I believe God’s Word is true?

2. What’s my motivation (e.g.,seeking glory for my own accomplishments, or desiring to give glory to God)?

3. What’s more important to me, gaining approval from people or approval from God?

4. Am I trying to please people or God?

Remember, our hearts can be deceitful so let’s not fool ourselves. Look deeper, because we may think one way, but our actions prove otherwise. It’s nice to gain approval from others, but we shouldn’t require it.

Accept this truth: God appoints us, approves us, accepts us, and loves us unconditionally. He has plans for us, opens doors for us, and His plans cannot be thwarted. Hallelujah!

God’s approval is all we need, and when we are walking deeper in faith, righteousness, and truth, He is glorified. That’s the ultimate purpose we should be seeking.

Lord, we give you thanks and praise on this good day you have made. Help us to seek your Word for truth of our value, that we may study it and show thyself approved in Your eyes. We pray our intentions will be pure, and through You, we can break free of the bondage of seeking approval from others. Your approval is all we need. Help us to be encouragement to others who struggle in this area, that we may speak life-affirming words that glorify You. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Have you ever struggled with this issue? Share your thoughts…